150 Warriors by My Side

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I am so excited for us! Everyone who’s partnered with me for this next year! Squadies!!!! Thanks so much and I can’t wait to see all God will do in and thru and for others thru us! I still need another $3600 before October when I leave! I leave the 4th guys! I leave California and head off for my first country Chile….wowzah @@

and here’s what I need you to know:

I need you to know that I’m all in. I’m going to be vulnerable with you this year so please read thru to the bottom of each post and give me the benefit of the doubt. Let me learn and grow and don’t judge to harshly when I say things like:

I say I’m excited. But I say that for you. Because honestly, when I went to training camp everything inside me shriveled down to a small little ball – like tinfoil inside the fist of the unknown.

And I say, “I’m so excited!” because I need you to know im sincere about my desire to go. Even if that desire lost its certainty some time back.

Because when I consider what I’ll see, and what I’ll do, that desire is as strong as a wave sweeping me unwillingly off my feet into an ocean of longing that I cannot resist.

The desire to see people – as they are – around the world and gather up the stories of Gods faithfulness and share my own. To strengthen the weak hands and help the helpless. To impart hope and real tangible aid.

Even though I can’t feel excited – I know I am.

And I want you to believe that. It’s much like the way I say, “I miss you!” although when we’re apart I’m not physically aching for you- yet I want you to know that you’re important to me and I want you in my life.

Can you understand?

I want to crack a door for you into the reality of how this is for me right now in the most honest way I can. And I feel scared about how you’ll read into this, but I want you to go on this journey with me this year with a depth that needs to be breached to do so.

Right now I’m sad that I can’t bring such and such a shirt – or the fact that one hoodie is already too much, cause hoodie life is not packable life. I’m looking at the possibility of less underware and that too is hard. (Don’t laugh. The struggle is real.)

My bank account keeps going to zero because I can’t earn enough between just artwork and housecleaning to keep up with gas and supplies demands. So how am I going to have any – just the teensiest bit – of spending money on the race?

Not to mention that I’m still $12,000 away from fully being funded…I need $3400 of that before October. So…

… And then there’s OVERWHELMING needs crashing through people’s lives in the states: amidst tragedies in Texas, Florida, and Georgia how can I even ask for financial support.

It makes me feel selfish.

This is me right now. Laying in bed wishing I didn’t have to get up. I went to my storage last night and purged thru half of my clothes. Yes, I moved from Korea so my whole life is currently in storage. And I spent all morning building racks for clothing and now I’m so sore – and some of it’s “oh no be careful how you move or you’ll be crawling” pain.

I’m going to gut heavy miss my sister so much. I’m going to miss the blessing of living in her peaceful presence and falling asleep mid conversation on her couch.

I’m going to miss our random shopping trips for groceries. I’m going to miss 3 hour weekend drives to church and seeing my grandparent and my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins – who’ve become my parents/family…

I’m going to miss my Saturday night and Sunday night community groups.

Last weekend my sisters small group let me in on a secret. That for several months they’d been planning a huge rummage sale to raise funds for my trip.

Guys.

I could not have been more shocked or more grateful! THIS is what Gods been trying to do in my life. Get me to accept love from others. I was w.r.e.c.k.e.d!

It took a while before I could stop sobbing snot in the corner of the living room, curled up on a beanbag.

And this is how Gods working in my life. Crashing in with grace and truth. Allowing me to be softly broken with love.

And this is what He does with me. He works while I sleep. And He’s letting me know, “You can rest at night. Don’t be afraid. Aren’t you worth many sparrows?” And giving me confidence that as long as I follow where He’s calling me that He will provide.

i don’t know how. I don’t know when. I can’t promise I won’t worry. But I know that if I have no provision then I can stop and wait and even fall asleep on an airport bench. Because even when I don’t have bus money to get home from the airport He’ll send someone to provide for me. My Ethiopian Muslim friend will be there – sent by Jesus – compelled to give to me.

Praises to Him!

I’m so grateful for you guys. For your prayers and your partnership, coming alongside and living life with me. And I am excited.

But it’s for the long haul, guys. It’s the knowledge that I am committed. It’s not an event to be arrive at with exuberance. It’s a commitment, for the joy set before me. I’m excited to see all that the Lord will do. And I wait, in hope for each encounter.

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Please join and ask others to join in subscribing to the blog:

carolynrmiller.theworldrace.org

I’d really like to have 150 prayer warriors keeping up to date with my blog there (during this next year) so they can pray over everything I, and my team, and the community we’re in is going thru as I share it! I want prayers of thanksgiving and requests being made!

More information about the ministry I’ll be doing is there on that blog and also if you subscribe then my article will go straight to your email so you don’t have to look up the blog link Everytime 🙂 So please share and ask others to join us!!!

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