Whensday – the curse of these days

There’s been a lot going on lately in the world. The really ironic thing is that as big as the media has made the problems of the last few weeks, in reality the world is always having the same amount of problems.

Think about it.

It just doesn’t seem like it because the media doesn’t announce and blow up our daily stress. Every anxious thought, and every secret murder is happening regardless of coverage. Every government coup, every unknown adulterous liaison, every hateful comment – every form of abuse…all that stuff is and has been happening, and all of the sudden the world is acting like it was basically all fine and in perfect happiness until these past eight days.

You know, I talked about my disease in the last post. About how I’ve been tending to live for “when”. About my destination addiction. That I think when such and such happens, or comes about, then I’ll be ok; but how its a perpetually relapsing desire that so far has not been fulfilled.

That when the when i was hoping for actually happens I am blind to see it for what it is – Why? because the when is not the answer to my life’s true problems, so when it happens i barely notice it in my desire to be fulfilled.

I just always think that the when I so earnestly long for will be IT. Why? maybe it’s what society tells me and every form of media reinforces an ideal that must be earned or bought or sweated for,… or maybe it’s that deep inside I’m (as each when fails and disappoints me again) still desperately going from one experiment to another trying to find satisfaction. Maybe it’s that I covet.

When I was a kid I believed that coveting was something I definitely didn’t struggle with – but as I grow older I see that it’s probably my number one thing these days.

what’s making me anxious? my own desires. the desire to have the body like that…the ring like that…the…the…when..when I…then I’ll be happy….

In all our stress, anxiety, and striving – in all our twisted ways – our desperately self-centered inventions to satisfy – in all our cunning…

in all my anxious striving or despairing passivity…my imagination trails off yet again…

…I can’t imagine the sheer weight of sorrow that must weigh on God’s mind.

The fact is that every single thought and whisper and secret thing. Every day. Everything. passes before Him and must present itself before Him for His judgement…

why? I heard a sermon about how we are the vessel that were made for God. About how as Paul says: “when we think food – we think STOMACH! and what’s the stomach for but for FOOD!”(1 Cor 6:13) and when we think human, we should automatically think FOR THE LORD! and visa versa. We are eternal beings created for God’s Spirit! wow…..watch/listen here from minute 26-136ish https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwknho3Xvic

All the ways in which the world is struggling and despairing and being abused and dying – every coup, ever liaison, every hateful thing that is “unseen”, everything is blasted across the media of the all seeing eye of the Lord.

My restless, covetous heart gets as much airtime with the Lord as the deepest and most serious world affair that is happening in the world.

To God it is all serious. To God it is all painful and a problem. To God it is all worth His time.

And each thing that is outside the dreams that He planned for His people is painful and troublesome to His heart….

Genesis 1:31 says, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good….” 

Five chapters later – and how many days later we don’t have an exact time frame (but about 1,556 years, according to the ages referenced) – it says  “The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race -…that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.”

The next time the bible says that God was deeply troubled, it was when he was in human form, with his friends, the evening before he was tortured and killed.

Realizing the amount of things the Lord bears, so that we might have a chance to know Him and have eternal life (2 Peter 3:9), is enough to shake a person to their core.

It’s easy to find fault with other people and any external situation in order to be okay with ourselves for just a few days. To stress out over the evil of others for a while so that we don’t feel the burden of our own sin.

But the problem is, that it never lightens the Lords sorrow or brings us back to the place of His dream for us. A dream that made Him endure every punch and spitting and the scourge that nearly killed him before he even had to drag his cross up a hill – and then, even as he was nailed to and labored to breath on the cross – he hung onto life just long enough to pay for every sorrow that people had done to his own heart.

He didn’t cope. He found a way to end the seperation that so grieved Him.

But we as God’s people usually cope.

We put up with our own sins and faults. We don’t fight them but we build them little cages where we can visit whenever we want.

We shudder at the thought of tying those things to the electric chair.

We weep a little just thinking of hacking down our sweet little sins….

We cope.

But coping isn’t a real solution.

It’s a slow and steady death march. It guarantees nothing but the possibility of anxiety and falling again…

Coping isn’t healing. It will never restore.

We need to find ways to heal. Ways to restore.

Where can we find them?

On of the most famous prayers/songs ever written states that we can find the healing, rest, and restoration we so long for in the Lord (Psalm 23).

He will guide me. He will lead me where I am provided for – in a place with calm waters. I can rest unafraid for even in the presence of my enemies He will provide. He will restore my soul for His name sake. I don’t have to worry that it will get to a point when He will no longer care for me – why? because He does it for His name – not to keep me happy, or to reward me. Even in the valley of death He won’t leave my side. He is not afraid.

And He promises that His mercy and goodness will follow me all my days.

Before me I have nothing to fear – for He’s taking me to the green pastures and the still waters. And behind me I have nothing to fear for His mercy and goodness are close behind protecting me from anything that might pursue me.

And He goes before me to prepare a place for me.

How can it get any better?

The curse of these days? It’s the when days. The days we long for, that in reality will never satisfy.

Let’s let go of the when, for the forever and ever we have in Christ Jesus.

Let all that I am wait quietly before the Lord, for my hope is in Him. (Ps 62:5)

For those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. (Isaiah 40:31)

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love. (Romans 5:5)

I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” (John 10:10-11) – Jesus

Jesus did lay down His life. So we can know that He is the good shepherd. Therefore I shall not be in want.



My Destination Addiction

I don’t know when it started. But I know that I have a problem loving what I had more than I love what I have.

I saw this picture on facebook (I learn so much on there) that said, “Beware of destination addiction: The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or even with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.”

When I read this I was kind of shocked to realize that I have an addiction.

I knew that I had this problem – but it is perpetual and it is destroying/has stolen my ability to enjoy the moments as I actually live them.

I remember a few months back my sister and I had a conversation where she said something to me about this. About us not getting a second chance and that if we don’t find a way to enjoy our actual present moments life will pass us by and we will have hated every second of it wishing for moments that have already left.

I’m not sure how to break this cycle yet, and I know it’s going to take time and healing and help. But I wanted to write about it cause I know that I’m not the only one.

Do you have destination addiction? Tell your friends – get help.

Have you had it? What advice can you give me?