stubborn little pumpkin

This morning I learned a new korean word, “TanHoBah”. It means stubborn little pumpkin.

I am God’s stubborn little pumpkin.

…….

I’ve been reading Romans for the past month or so. Every morning I read one chapter till I finish the book – and then i start over. Paul packed Romans with the very heart and soul of the gospel; – When I read it I can feel his deep appeal to the reader and the exhortation crying out with pounding fist.

“We are more than conquerors!” he cries out – “Don’t you know?”

“Against all hope Abraham believed!”

“What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?!”

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for us who are in Christ!”

“I am convinced – that NOTHING – nothing you can imagine or see or feel or do – can seperate us from God’s love! For it is sealed! It is caught up! It is wrapped up explicably inexplicable in Christ!”

Peter in 2 Peter 3 spoke of Paul and his writings in this way, “our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way – …His letters contain some things that are hard to understand,”

Which is true.

But lately I struggle not with what I don’t understand, but that which I do.

This phrase in Romans 9:30-32

“What then shall we say? That the gentiles, who did not pursue righteousness, have obtained it, a righteousness that is by faith; but Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness, has not attained it.

Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the “stumbling stone”.”

What am i struggling with?

I’m struggling with the reality that I feel like these Israelites. I realize that I am a sinner – and I’ve fallen short of the glory of God. But whenever I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ took hold of me – I find that I am at a loss and unable to have the faith I need because I am centered on all I am doing.

But when I try to rest on Christ and let go of my striving I fall into the trap of lethargic Christianity where I am the servant who buries his talent.

How do I come to a healthy middle?

How can I find the stillness where I know that He is God?

How do I abide?

How do I remain in Him without becoming task based in my “remaining”?

…….

Oh Lord, you know my faults. You know my tendencies. You know what a TanHoeBah I am…so overcome me Lord in your mercy!

Overcome my unbelief…

 

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