Not your type

So much that I could write – but I’ll stick to just a few things.

Korea wise: Pollution.

Yes, the dust from china is killing me this week, if you were wondering. Apparently the chinese keep cutting down more and more of the forest between our countries and the fine desert sand blows over to us more easily. This fine dust is killer to the lungs.

When you watch tv and there’s news about asia and everyone is wearing masks – well now you know why!

….i wonder how North Koreans are faring….?

……………………

The main reason I’m writing today is a revelation i had last night.

I can’t exactly remember how it came up in my head (I was probably browsing hot guys faces in google images) but I realized that I am totally unmarriable.

What do i mean?

Honestly, if i met someone (attractive enough) and they even had the galls to ask me to marry them and I said yes – i would be such a burden to them!

Maybe not intentionally (I mean certainly not) – but I realize my character:

  • I’m emotionally needy
  • I need to be entertained
  • I want to be able to touch too much
  • I can’t have too much down time
  • I want to be satisfied constantly
  • And have constant exciting activity

He would barely have time for God!

Do I want someone that doesn’t have time for God?

No. But I want an active, interesting, attractive, funny, guy with apparently bottomless humor, energy, patience, and pockets.

This is a HUGE reason why I’m sure God hasn’t given me one of his sons.

He is a jealous God – and He didn’t actually make anyone for me – He made us all for Himself.

……………………

Are you single and want to be married?

Can you honestly look yourself in the mirror?

Perhaps theres a good reason you’re single.

……………………

For me I realize that I probably can’t don’t want to change cause I enjoy my self centered me-me time life.

Am I ok with that?

Well,….I’m kinda checking out my realistic percentage of change right now.

I’m taking stock of who I am and who I want/need to be to be the kind of person who could actually be a live-in blessing to someone else. And then I’m going to see about steps.

………………………….

Part of the reason I need to take this assesment is the fact that where there’s something in life that is a habit, it tends to seep onto other places in ones life.

What parts of my devotion to Christ and how i’m following Him in my life are getting wet from my me-me life habits? How is that affecting my walk with God and others?

Hmmm….

How about you?

 

 

 

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stubborn little pumpkin

This morning I learned a new korean word, “TanHoBah”. It means stubborn little pumpkin.

I am God’s stubborn little pumpkin.

…….

I’ve been reading Romans for the past month or so. Every morning I read one chapter till I finish the book – and then i start over. Paul packed Romans with the very heart and soul of the gospel; – When I read it I can feel his deep appeal to the reader and the exhortation crying out with pounding fist.

“We are more than conquerors!” he cries out – “Don’t you know?”

“Against all hope Abraham believed!”

“What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?!”

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for us who are in Christ!”

“I am convinced – that NOTHING – nothing you can imagine or see or feel or do – can seperate us from God’s love! For it is sealed! It is caught up! It is wrapped up explicably inexplicable in Christ!”

Peter in 2 Peter 3 spoke of Paul and his writings in this way, “our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way – …His letters contain some things that are hard to understand,”

Which is true.

But lately I struggle not with what I don’t understand, but that which I do.

This phrase in Romans 9:30-32

“What then shall we say? That the gentiles, who did not pursue righteousness, have obtained it, a righteousness that is by faith; but Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness, has not attained it.

Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the “stumbling stone”.”

What am i struggling with?

I’m struggling with the reality that I feel like these Israelites. I realize that I am a sinner – and I’ve fallen short of the glory of God. But whenever I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ took hold of me – I find that I am at a loss and unable to have the faith I need because I am centered on all I am doing.

But when I try to rest on Christ and let go of my striving I fall into the trap of lethargic Christianity where I am the servant who buries his talent.

How do I come to a healthy middle?

How can I find the stillness where I know that He is God?

How do I abide?

How do I remain in Him without becoming task based in my “remaining”?

…….

Oh Lord, you know my faults. You know my tendencies. You know what a TanHoeBah I am…so overcome me Lord in your mercy!

Overcome my unbelief…

 

Gods favor –

There could be so many things for me to write about – and I have.

I feel like I’ve vomitted in so many ways on this blog, and I feel that in some respects I need to apologize to you, my dear reader. Your time is precious – i know this and I too should use my time wisely. I should be sure to write not only truth reiterated to myself, but truth and encouragement for you.

Sometimes I know I’m barfing and I’m not sure if that is in fact uplifting for anyone.

Before I left the states I felt that I was not only getting more regular but being more intentional about how and what I wrote. And when I got to Korea it was a way to share how it was going for me…

But I want and plan to get back to more regular and intentional writing.

………………………

Here’s something neat that has been going on in my life.

Even as i look back i see a pattern of God preparing me for the next thing He would show me or take me through. Lately it’s come in very apparent ways – like reading a passage and feeling certain things jumping out at me – and then the sermon on Sunday would be about exactly that thing!

This has encouraged me so much.

Can you see any patterns in your life?

What are they and how can they help you going forward?

For me it’s not only a means of confirmation, but encouragement to my soul that the Lord is speaking to me.

………………………..

A small example of how that looks for me: I finished reading A.W. Tozer’s “The Pursuit of God” – (which if you haven’t read, needs to go to the top of your pile!!) where Tozer exhorts Christians to live without pretense and challenge their perspective of who God is and where He is in your life. He challenges every aspect of a “normally” “accepted” “spiritual” life. He calls us to know God as God says He can be known. He calls us not to settle – for to settle is to lose everything. Settling is not walking with God at all.

Last week I wrote to a friend:”i need to be challenged more-
i know that Gods calling me to trust Him and not lean on my own understanding.
this and the call to come know Him just for Him, is the season im in.”

Then Sunday pastor Christian talked about this very thing:

 

………….

Or like this not so subtle fact:

I started reading this devo my Aunt gave me for Christmas the day I got to Korea – so even though it’s dated, my dates are off. And then there’s a devo I picked up a little bit after I got here and I’ve been following it by the date it actually is. And then this past week I picked up this prayer dare devo….

and notice how they all lined up this week @.@. –  just WOW!!!

sheilaNequestprayerdare1prayerdare2prayerdare3prayerdare4

sheilaNequest2day 17

day 18

I am getting used to the fact that I can’t be surprised by God – but should expect that His voice in my life is consistent.

 

***Featured Photo credit to KelseyBurford***