October Workout Journal

Don’t read further unless you want to read my daily thoughts during my workout journey 😉

Day 2:

Those who know me know that i am a night owl and i utterly scorn the whole rise early morning thing.

I kinda feel about it how some christians feel about going to  church: going doesn’t make you a christian. Well, that’s how i feel about leaving my bed when it’s still dark: it doesn’t make you an adult.

However, as you know if you read my Oct. 19th post, i’m changing my life with this simple change in habit. And so far so good. I guess if i can keep this up it’ll in fact change my life!

So i called my aunt during the last part of my walk because 1. i wanted to touch base, 2. was getting tired and needed distraction, 3. blisters and soreness were forming.

And we were talking and what she was saying made me realize something.

Everything in moderation.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 and 1 Corinthians 6:12

It might be a good thing to help someone financially – but not if your own family will suffer for it. Do what you can and be at peace with that.

It might be good to walk 20 miles but not if that mentally makes you hate the thought of exercise and you get demotivated. Or not if the next day you can’t even move from overdoing it.

Do what you can and be okay about that.

Do everything in proportion: giving, serving, doing and have healthy boundaries; with others and for yourself.

Word: If you overdo it you will empty yourself and have nothing to keep doing with.

Recommendation: “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend


Day 3:

Sooooo….yesterday i got all thilosothical and didn’t really tell you how it went. So i’ll tell you how yesterday and today differed.

Yesterday when i got up i was completely sore. My back (which you may or may not know had popped apart – spinewise- last year and then earlier this year kinda flopped over and basically paralyzed me both times) was giving me warning signs of impending tragedy…so about 200 steps in, just around the first bend, i had the fleeting dread that i might have to turn around and go back home (or be found lying on the sidewalk by a stranger and their overly licky dog).

So i started to pray, “Lord! Please sustain me!!” And i know Jesus said not to be all blathery with prayers. But i couldn’t help repeating it like a drowning mantra.

About 2 miles in i realized my body had warmed up and my back had stopped its twangy pain alarm system.

I can’t tell you how these walks make me pray with gratitude for a working body.

Today when i got up my legs were really tight. I was basically bobbling. As i warmed up i found that if i didn’t stop then i could move without a hobble motion.

Near the end of 5 miles my joints at the hip started screaming – like cracking chips.

(–.–) *sigh*

Also, day one i found that i needed substance to meditate on.

So day two i woke early and read some bible before i left for my walk so i had something to meditate on.

Day three i woke a little late (cause i realized i hadn’t made my alarms uniform for the week yet) but i still got my reading in before i left.

Then i played worship music as i walked.

Also …i met Anna and Oscar her dog the second day. I look forward to meeting them again and seeing how God will bless our relationship.

This is highly informative reading on “how to” and “why not” – in weight loss: http://www.details.com/story/calorie-weight-loss

This is what im useing for daily bible reading this year:

(As you can see the one year bible comes in all translations – im reading the green/niv one this year!) 🙂


Day 4:

I was planning to try and meet up with Anna- but went out a little too late/went a different route/took too long to get back to Anna’s walkin’ stretch.

Stopped to stretch and posted a fb post about 8000 steps in!

Day 5:

So- the first day i started i walked way way out to a mall on the other side of town. Mostly because i got a “havetahave” (those workout leggings) itch. But they weren’t even open yet when i got there (cause it was too early). But! On my way there i passed the DMV and saw a line at the door and remembering i had registration coming up, realized early morning was probably a good time to get it done.

So i’d done that on day 2.

– yea. Ok day 5. I had a lot to do because today i was leaving for a womans retreat. I know. A retreat.

I tried out another walking path – segwayed off through a public park and even did a little aerobics on the bleachers.

Day 6:

First morning of retreat. One of the girls hinted at a deep forest river trail. Went in search and found….something that wound down to the river.

Spent a peaceful moment on a giant fallen tree, listening to the gentle trickling as i prayer in peace.

Then i explored…off down a lonely trail till i came out onto a road way off somewhere else.

Almost got lost. Thank you google maps.

Made it back for breakfast!

Day 7:

Lacking motivation, visited the gym room and treadmilled it.

Miss gabby chatty was there. Once again reminded to have grace on those who are young in their spiritual growth.

Jogged out the last mile so i could make it to breakfast.

Day 8: woke up and walked until 1:30. Explored all over. Found all sorts of paths and a beautiful little town hid away in this little alcove of the forest.

Felt like an explorer.

Tried to have lunch with one of my highschool girls.

Found out schools were out that day.

Whats up with all this Christopher Columbus hate?!?

Day 9:

Hardest day ever.

Did not want to get up.

Struggled to get out.

Grandparents were up. Snuck out.

Met a Lisa whos been in rehab for 2 years. Shes missing a leg.

Hope to see her again.

Day 10: Didn’t see Lisa. Went to the postoffice and torn off the blank back of a recycled envelope. Waited in line to use a pen.

Left a note under a rock at the bench.

Hope to see you sometime/anytime Lisa! =)

Made it out of the house by 8am.

Day 11:

thought i should try and see my kids again. Took a walk toward the schools but ended up walking up into old downtown and up into the hill. The houses fascinate me!

Stopped by the catholic thrift store and found some treasures!

Day 12:

Almost didn’t get up.

Finally got through my bible reading and snuck past my grandma. Took the hill – wasn’t as hard as i remembered!

Hoped to see Lisa today. She wasn’t out today either.

Met another caregiver on “Lisa’s bench” and walked partway with her.

Glad i got up. Great weather!!

Day 13:

Ok, so today was one of those “i’m in my 60’s days”. That means my back was hurting in bad ways.

So periodically – maybe every two or three days i wake up and my back is all janky. I have to move very carefully to get out of bed, and even then i’m worried that i’m going to have one of those experiences i had earlier this year; when i had to use my grandma’s back brace and walker.

So, yeah. I woke up like that. I’m not sure if it’s because of nights i dream – or just the 60 year old mattress.

Anyway. I finally got myself up, devo’d and out. It was all grey and rain was in the air. I found this weird track that led to the community college racetrack – which i didn’t even know existed.  But after a few laps i had to get out back to nature and exploring.

I didn’t do my full 10,000 before breakfast cause i knew i’d be walking later today – and i was already feeling blah.

Reminded by an unleashed aggressive dog that childhood experiences scar.


Day 14:

Confession time. I got up early and went to church – which was about all i could do. And then my pedometer never got turned on (cause i foolishly paused it the night before…*sigh*) so whatever steps i did take that day were lost to untracked steps universe. So i laid in bed and did lots and lots of workout leg moves….did about 2500 and then just couldn’t anymore.

Day 15: the day my reveal-im-working-out blog posted.

Day 2 of confessions. Woke up and watched a Monk episode. Because i could and my butt was feeling lazy.

So…then i got up and …yea i think i worked out i think…cause i’m actually just now writing this…a few days late….so i think i worked out – as in: lived the day and saw how much i actually walked.  =D

*hangs head* Yea, i actually kinda lost my motivation for why i was getting up early.

*sigh* – 6,730 steps out of 10,000.


Day 16:

Had a meeting across town around the time i usually ate breakfast with my grandparents. Thought of walking there…but then decided walking back would set me too far into the day.

So i drove there and then used the couple hours i had to explore: found a hiking trail and met two guys and austrian and a german that came stateside right after ww2 was over. Musta been kids. We hiked and talked politics for a while. They kicked my butt at the hiking thing. By the time i had to yurn back for my meeting they were still up for (a whole day of hiking?) who knew what.

Also met Liza – a very intentional working Mom who used her spare workout time to walk dogs and make that extra cash.

Good idea. I just might try it too….

Day  17:

I did it! I walked to Wolfgrade and went to the top!!

Feel accomplished! Got up, got out, and kicked mountain boodie!!

*o yea!*

Feel a bit of my motivation’s back up.

Day 18: Woke up late…realized the heater was on and that it had put me into a coma.

Snuck out.

Walked around the block and a bit up into the mountain. Didn’t hit my number this morning – just made myself get out.

There was a lot of conflict today for me.

My grandfathers treating my granmother with mild patronization…and he’s starting a purge mentality. Throwing valuables away is not sensible.

Also i have a lot of emotions flowing through me as i’m still contemplating all the stuff from the women’s retreat …. its heavy stuff.

Spend the afternoon reading and finishing one of the books i got at the retreat.

Kicked the air right outta my spiritual lungs.

I realize i have a form of godliness but deny most of its power.

…what does what i said even mean?!?!

Day 19:…to Day 27:

So i didn’t do as well on blogging as i’d hoped. Obviously i got busy with…life, and i didn’t get down all my thoughts for about 8 days. I can vaguely remember events that happened for those 8 days; like helping my grandparents, struggling with helping grandparents, moments of exhaustion and tears and …good moments too. Going with the youthgroup to our movie event night (“Goosebumps”), church, bible study, getting new shoes -just because theyre so kewl, despite them being one size too big- and all these good moments accented by struggling a lot to get out of bed and even making later in the day choices to get out and walk just so i didn’t skip.

It was a good month and even when i didn’t get in my 10,000 steps for the day i got in 3 or 5 or 8000 and felt that i still did something.

Here’s to ‘November to February’!!

if you’re trying to make it thru something this month don’t be discouraged! Wake up everyday and be ready to start again! God is willing and ready to sustain you!

Lamentations 3:19-26

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness….
20 I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.

Psalm 143:8

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.


*blue line means steps recorded, gold medallion indicates 10,000+ steps reached!


Barren and Brown

In her book, “Unlikely Rebel”, Kelli Gotthardt details an experience where a friend takes a drive up this seemingly endless uphill road that curves into ongoing upwardness. She recounts how at each curve her friend anticipated finally reaching the top to see endless beauty stretched below; but that when the summit was reached she was overcome by the unexpected flat and empty plateau.

Overcome by the realization that this was her life.

I totally relate to this disappointing reality. Totally feel the lurch of hopelessness in the pit of my stomach.

I yearn to find meaning and purpose to my existence; to each daily mundane task that eventually will lead to me doing greater things that will induce impact on the world, impact on the people around me, impact in the body of Christ.

Has this become an idol for me?

Has helping my grandparents – the mere functioning until they finally pass on – become an excuse to form and hold up this idol “impact”?

Am i longing more for impact than Christ himself?

What are you longing for?

And how do we center ourselves on Christ again?


O’ Lord, give me the awareness to see you and follow you and trust and believe you with all that i am!

the red carpet, part 1

There’s something to be said for being part of the process. For being able to go through the gauntlet with someone. For being part of a sacred ceremony. For taking the plunge with someone.

This is a sacred moment.

She blinks in the early morning light, the dust floating in the sunbeam like so many stars; a mini galaxy.

Her hands rub her upper arms -her arms crossing her chest – in a warming gesture. Flannel and baby powder. She bares her bottom teeth and sighs.

Is it a sigh of resignation?

My grandfather leans over and places the silver urn on the table with a clank. Going through the motions, plugs it in. The coffee pot starts to chortle.

They are living and breathing because they must. There isn’t anything left to do but keep making that next step and wait.

I pray for strength to bear another day – as only i can guess they too do.

Her eyes find mine, for a minute the grey green pupils register nothing – as if they see right through me. Then she smiles – grins like a rotting pumpkin and kind of squints at me. She recognizes me.

I smile back.

This is the first push.

I get on my knees and wanting to groan i hang my head and push the red carpet one roll out.

How long will it take?

How long is this aisle? -This road they must walk to the stage.

And i, have somehow been chosen to roll this carpet out.

I get to be part of this passage.

I watch my grandfather fussing at the counter.

Am i glad?

I feel this sacred moment. I close my eyes and breathe in and try to grasp my role. Try to wrap my mind around the reasons i am here.


All the shoulds crowd against the doors and windows.

“Honey? What do you want? You want soft boiled eggs?”

“Do you want softboiled?” she echoes back with her feeble voice.

I grit my teeth and feel a crazy laugh behind my eyes. Annoyance.

Can i even do this? Walk alongside them, dying a little more each day – with them.

I am privileged to see this sacred space where they let go of all they could do.

I get to see these treasured last moments.

I am a living breathing bridge in the darkness they face. I remind them of who they once were and what they could do.

Are they afraid?

Does my presence shame them into living? Somehow, my grandmother has revived herself.

She’s given up her cries of pain. She skuttles back and forth…dangerously pawing through pills.

My reprimands bring up the lottery of lies or anger or apologies.

There are no promises of tomorrow.

No light at the end of the tunnel.

Just me here, on my knees, and the carpet between my palms.

And this one sacred moment, followed by another.